This parenting of a newborn is hard work.
McBean is super cute but increasingly evil. But it’s impossible to resist that adorable little face, even when he’s constantly screaming and demanding to feed.
For the last few days, McBean has had periods of up to 6 hours during which he demands to feed constantly. Falls asleep, then as soon as he wakes up, demands the breast again. It’s thoroughly exhausting.
There are however other times when he feeds beautifully then has nice calm settled times when he charms the pants off everyone around him, then falls asleep nicely. But come evening, and nighttime, Mr Evil is back.
I’m having many insecurities about milk supply (compounded of course by last week’s fun with the hospital and leftover anxiety from my experiences with FenFox). Is he doing this because he’s not satisfied? In order to test this theory, the other night in a fit of desperation we gave him a bottle of formula. He drank only a small amount, then pushed it away and kept on demanding the breast. It seems to be the only thing that calms him. So is he just wanting the comfort of being close to me (or rather my breasts?), is he hungry – and if so, why didn’t he gobble down the formula and settle down after it?, or is something else wrong? Or is this just normal newborn behaviour that I’ve happily forgotten about?
Lazyboo keeps reassuring me that he is having plenty of wet nappies, is showing no sign of deydration, and does actually have calm settled times and sleeps well. All of these are good signs that there is enough milk for him. But he hasn’t pooped in days (again), he’s having these long unsettled periods, and then there’s the expressing drama. I have been trying to express regulary to increase supply. But I’m just not very successful at it. I just can’t seem to express any great quantity despite continued perserverance. It’s really very discouraging.
So the baby blues have kinda set in. As if that isn’t obvious by the series of morose posts! I’m concerned about milk and worn down by crying and continuous feeding. I’m also feeling torn between McBean and FenFox. I feel like I just don’t have time for my girl anymore, and she’s suffering for it. She is, of course, being an absolute trooper. She’s just had four days off (bloody horse race) and has been largely left to her own devices. We did manage to get out of the house 3 out of the 4 days, even if only to walk the dog and for FenFox to have a scooter ride, and today we had SJ over to play for the day (cos she’s used to crying babies and distracted tired mamas cos she has her own at home). But I still feel like she’s been hugely neglected. She’s going to R1’s after school tomorrow, and I’m glad that she’s getting a reprieve.
We’ve been seeing lots of people who have been coming over to meet McBean. Is nice to show him off, but I’m finding it all a bit hard. I can’t help but feel judged by mostly perfectly innocent comments. ‘He looks hungry’; ‘How often do you feed him?’; ‘Are you going to feed him AGAIN?’; ‘Some people just can’t breastfeed’. I’m absolutely certain that nobody is actually judging, but my insecurity about it is so hard to ignore.
Tomorrow the health nurse is coming over for a home visit. She’ll weigh McBean then, and I guess we’ll have more of an idea about how well my milk is doing. I’m really nervous about it. But it will be good to know. Maybe then I can stop stressing that my insistence on breastfeeding is doing him harm.
Hang in there – you’re doing a great job. Things will change again before you know it. Mind you, then you’ll probably be worrying about other stuff – parenting, I guess.
I have so much empathy for you and what you are going through.
i hope the scales completely blow away all your fears..and if they don’t i hope you have a great nurse that gives you great solutions and makes you feel OK.
as for insecurities..this whole mothering a new baby thing seems to be full of insecurity for me. i am sure i take to heart 1000 comments that people don’t even remember making…and stress and worry and over analyse what they really meant.
thinking of you and hoping it all gets easier soon. babies on boobs for 6 hours straight is a hard hard thing…
i too had big difficulties breast feeding. I think Lily and I have finally worked them out. Two things happened to give me more confidence – 1. we visited a lactation consultant with an amazing scale and she was able to weigh Lily after she fed from each breast to tell me exactly how many ounces she was getting. Second, she gained weight like a champ at her 1 month appointment. So, hang in there and find confidence where you can.
It is hard work. You are doing so well. I was told that to keep supply up it is not important to express a large volume, but just to stimulate the breasts so the brain knows to make more milk. Expressing a small amount isn’t indicative of low supply. You are doing a wonderful job.
i know it’s going to get easier for you! you have got to get the “debbie downers” out the house with the comments about the babe’s feedings. please be confident in your baby’s ability to know when enough food is enough food. play off of him and continue to do what you are doing! i’m sure all is well.