Posts Tagged ‘sick’

Regretting it?

So I was at the doctors this afternoon hoping for some relief from this abysmal state I’ve been in for the last 6 days, and as it always does talk rolls around to McBean – no matter who it is, always the conversation turns to McBean.  I said that I’m no longer working and am spending my time running around after a rambunctious toddler, and the doctor (the one who we saw about the infected foreskin, the well meaning but more than slightly vague doctor, who today was more interested in talking about book recommendations than my health) asked if he was “energetic”?  I of course scoffed and rolled my eyes and said that’s one way of putting it.  I think that calling McBean energetic is akin to calling Niagara Falls a trickle of water, but I didn’t say that.  Given how tough it’s been this week, caring for the boy while I’ve been feeling so crappy, I think I must have been projecting some exasperation or something, because he looked at me and quite seriously asked if I was regretting it.  Now, I’m not sure if he meant was I regretting being a stay at home parent, or regretting McBean’s existence.

Naturally I was a bit taken aback by that.  I stopped and thought about it for a few seconds and said no I don’t regret it.  He might be hard work, but he’s intelligent and beautiful and a lot of fun.  And that was that, we moved on to more discussion of books – he did, during all this, check my breathing and ears and throat etc, and manage to prescribe some antibiotics for the sore throat and sinuses, and some eye drops for my gunky eye, so he’s not completely useless, just easily distracted.

But it got me to thinking about it.  Do I regret it, either option?  No, I’d have to say the answer to either is that I don’t regret it.

The stay at home parent thing has been a lot harder than I honestly expected.  I’m so much more tired than when I was working, even the 12 hour days.  Dealing with McBean is so draining in so many ways.  But when he grins his cheeky little grin at you, and runs up and throws his arms around your neck for a hug, you can’t help but think awwwwww… So I’m glad I’ve had this experience, of being his primary caregiver and knowing what that means.  He’s doing a lot of mental development right now, and I’m here to watch him watching things, investigating how things work, how he can use things to his advantage.  How he can communicate more and more, how he has his own little foibles already.

And as for having McBean at all, no I don’t regret that.  I sometimes (okay, often) rail against the constraints of parenthood, wishing I still had the freedom (and the money) to drop everything and wander around Europe for months on end with nothing but a small backpack.  Or to move into a tiny apartment right in the city close to everything, and be able to go to the theatre and out for dinner and stuff like that.  Or zoom up to Sydney for the weekend to catch up with friends on a whim.  So there are aspects of it all that I find chafing, but that was lost to me even before McBean, and even if it wasn’t there’s no point regretting things that can’t change.  Not that I would want to change having had him.  He’s so cute sometimes it hurts, and he’s so aggravating sometimes it also hurts.  But he’s our little guy and I wouldn’t change that now.


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And so this is… gastro?

Been a rough couple of weeks in terms of our family’s digestive systems.  McBean started us all off with his fevers and some vomiting, but that was pegged as a random virus.  Then FenFox came home from school throwing up, and we figured she’s picked up a bug at school.  Then Clark had to come home from her third day at work because she came down with it (so not good, and she felt so bad about it).  And now today there is something wrong with me.  It may not be gastro, but my insides are not cooperating today, so it may develop.

In retrospect we think that maybe what was wrong with McBean was actually the gastro bug that he then shared.  He was whingey and drooling madly and inconsolable – all of which could be explained by stomach/intestinal cramps and nausea.  Poor little lad.  I feel even sorrier for him now, knowing how bad it hit Clark.

I’m hoping like hell that the reason I’m feeling so dodgy is just over tiredness and not gastro – there’s way too much to do to prep for Xmas eve dinner for me to be out of commission.

On a slightly more positive note, the reports today from child care on McBean’s second day have been somewhat better.  He cried and cried again when we left, but apparently he has been playing and eating better today, so hopefully that’s a step in the right direction.  He’ll most probably have a break from child care next week (depending on what our plans turn out to be) and I hope that doesn’t set him back to the start again.

Last day of work for me now, 11 days off (not that I’ve accomplished much at all this week).  Then I’m only working through January and it’s adios muchachos.  At this stage.  Who knows what will really happen.  Which means I only have around a month respite left, and I need to start looking for a job.  What an awful prospect.  Haven’t had to do that for nearly 5 years now.  All I need between now and then is to work out how I can work from home and bring in approximately the same as working 2 days a week.  Then we won’t have to worry about child care.  Ah, wishful thinking.

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Random unidentified viruses

We spent the morning at the Childrens Hospital with McBean.  He’s been feverish and off his food and clingy and lethargic for over 36 hours now, and had been almost 24 this morning, so we thought we better get him checked out.  And as it was Saturday morning of course there was no way in hell we could get him into a GP, so the hospital it was.  Luckily R1’s parents were in town and were good enough to take FenFox off our hands for the morning, so we didn’t have to put up with a constant stream of whining and complaining as well as deal with a very unwell little boy.

We had given him a dose of ibuprofen not long before we left in the hopes it would drop his temp and make him a little more comfortable.  That’s always a danger, because then they see the kids and they seem fine so you just get branded a hypochondriac parent.  McBean however may have had a lowered temperature but was completely miserable and cried inconsolably for over an hour, so they took us very seriously and we were seen straight away.  The benefits of getting in early in the morning I guess.

The poor little guy would not be consoled by anything for a long time, and eventually…


Next day – McBean woke up at that stage last night once again inconsolable, so we had to bring him into the bed, lights out.

It’s been a rough night.  We’ve been alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen every 4 to 6 hours or so, so keep his fever down and just keep him as settled as possible.  He seems in pain, and we can’t tell if it’s teeth (he is drooling like a freak, I’ve had to change his shirt this morning already, and Clark has resorted to putting a bib on him to catch the drool, which she HATES!) or if it’s his throat.  It’s not an easy thing to watch him be so distressed and not be able to do a damn thing about it, especially when I am feeling like I’ve had about 2 minutes sleep.

I was hoping after he perked up at the hospital that it was going to turn out to be a 24 hour virus and he’d be fine.  Sadly I was much mistaken.

He’s still barely eating, although I did get him to eat 3 spoons of cereal, half a peach, most of a nectarine and some pear earlier.  But how long can he reasonably subsist on fruit and water?

We’re going to be back to the doctor on Tuesday no doubt – maybe tomorrow if Clark can get an appointment.

To summarise, at the hospital they checked out his throat and glands and tried to check his ears but couldn’t see anything, and did a urine test (which meant I spent about an hour on my knees chasing naked McBean around after we had force fed him a cup of juice to get his fluids up – unpleasant all round).  There was no obvious signs of infection and as he had been eating and drinking they couldn’t sedate him to do blood tests, so we were none the wiser really.  It appears to be an RUV as the title suggests, although with the crying when putting food in his mouth and the drooling, we’re really not sure what’s going on.  Except that he is miserable, poor little lad, and so are we.

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So much for regular blogging…  life just gets in the way.  In short, swine flu is sucky and I hate it.  I do, however, have an increasingly long list of draft posts at the ready so will attempt to actually post more often.  Today I will finish updating – this time about what Lazyboo and I are up to.


I’m still playing the waiting game.  Waiting for the rest of my mediation course to take place.  Waiting for my internship to be over.  Waiting until I get a job.  Which involves waiting until I get over the paralysing fear of even applying for some.  But hopefully, the end of all this waiting is not too far away.  The course ends in three weeks.  A full week of classes next week, a week off, then another full week.  The internship is dragging on but it’s out of my control.  My supervisor will work it all out for me I’m sure.  She’s amazing and I have confidence in her.  So the next step is job search and applications.  It’s been a long time since I’ve done this so it’s a bit daunting.  But also exciting.  I’m looking forward to getting back into the workforce, and doing something that I’ve worked towards for so many years.  Of course doing so requires me to let go of the SAHP thing, which is hard.  But I can’t have it all unfortunately.  We’ve been looking into child care options for the boy, and I’m quite excited about finally making it possible for Lazyboo to drop the bundle a little and take some space to work out what she wants to do with herself.  If only I could earn enough to support us all and allow her to be a full time SAHP and housewife.  Which is want she says she wants.  The ideal situation will be for me to work 4 days a week, and Lazyboo to work 2 or 3 days, and McBean to be in care for 1 or 2 days a week (a whole other issue that I’m sure I will be posting about!)  FenFox has a great after school care program that she is comfortable attending as long as it’s not every day.

For now, I’m trying to enjoy the time I have left at home.  I do have a tendency though to wallow in frustration and angst and withdraw from as much as I can get away with.  McB is utterly delightful and I know I’m going to miss him terribly when I don’t get to spend every day with him.  So I am going to try try try to make the most of this time.  And with FenFox too.  I love it when she comes scooting home from school all excitedly telling me about her day.  I love leisurely mealtimes and watching crap reality TV together and discussing books.  I love hearing about her concerns and problems and issues and am aware that the time when she shares everything with me won’t last forever.

Of course the dreaded swine flu has made the last couple of months quite difficult.  First Lazyboo got it, then McBean, and now nearly a month later and before the others have even fully recovered, FenFox has got it (it’s unconfirmed but probably the culprit) worse than either of the others.  Poor little sick mite.  Interestingly, she first started to feel off while away at her grandmother’s, but managed to hold the serious illness at bay until she got home 5 days later.  At which time she deteriorated so rapidly that it scared the bejeezus out of us and we ended up at the children’s hospital for the second time in three weeks.  Nothing like feeling like, and being treated like to some extent, a neurotic overreacting parent with an exaggerating child.  Why is it that 1.  my children insist on getting sick quickly on friday afternoons when there’s no chance of getting in to see the GP and 2.  my children miraculously improve right when the doctor sees them, only to deteriorate again as soon as we’re home again?  Anyway, I’m hoping that she is on the road to recovery now.


What can I say that I shouldn’t just leave for her to post about if she feels so inclined?  That’s she’s amazing.  A wonderful partner and an incredible Baba.  That I’m thrilled and grateful and very much aware of how lucky I am to have her.  That I know she continues to struggle with work and questioning her future and I wish I could do more to help.  That I can’t wait to take over the breadwinning from her to give her a well deserved break and the space to think.  That seeing her with our son is the most incredible gift.   That I wish she could love our daughter as much but at the same time understanding how different and far more difficult that relationship is for all involved.   That I think she’s adorable with her new gardening obsession.  That I’m thoroughly enjoying the sudden enthusiasm for cooking and baking, especially given my current aversion to anything in the kitchen (apart from eating of course).  That I know that I push the boundaries far too often and expect too much from her and too little from myself.  That I miss her every time we’re apart but I’m learning to not denigrate our codependence because it works for us and we’re happy.  That I look forward to the rest of my life because I know she’ll be by my side.

OK. Ramble over.  It’s not a bad thing with a blog becomes like a stream of consciousness is it?

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News and updates

It’s been a rough month.  McBean and I have had the dreaded swine flu, and emerged fatigued but unscathed as such.  It was quite a nasty flu really, which was disappointing as I had heard that it was quite mild.

Clark is not going so well right now either.  With the boy and I being sick, she was in charge of a lot of the round the house stuff, and its worn her out.  And FenFox coming down sick with something (the ubiquitous viral infection as Clark called it) the last couple of days is not helping.  We’re not sure what it is, the doctors at the Childrens’ don’t know what it is.  Mind you, the doctors at the Childrens’ didn’t think that McBean had swine flu, but he did, so our faith in that institution has been somewhat dimmed of late.

So hence no posting lately.

I thought I would do a quick update on where the boy is at.

  • He’s finally cut a tooth, there’s a very crooked little tooth just peeking out of his bottom gum.  I really thought he was going to be a toothless wonder still when he was two.
  • He’s finally learned to sit up – just in the last couple of days he’s developed a habit of sitting up to play in a rather unique style.  He bends one foot in front of him and one behind him.  It’s actually a really good position, it is quite stable but also lets him jet off at the slightest provocation.
  • He’s crawling at a great rate of knots and has been for some time.  We now need to shut the laundry and bathroom doors, else within 20 seconds of us turning our backs he is likely to be paddling in the toilet.
  • He is already developing a fascination with wheels and wheeled objects.
  • He continues to pull up on everyone and everything, and is getting much more stable in his cruising efforts.  He is much more comfortable moving between objects now and no longer needs to get down and crawl between them.
  • He applies himself industriously to walking around the living room with his musical walker – the songs are now firmly implanted in our heads and likely never to be gone now.  Its so cute watching him durb up and down the hallway with a big grin on his face.
  • He is almost back to sleeping through the night again – while he was sick he just about reverted to a newborn, having to be fed small amounts every couple of hours and waking multiple times in the night.  He’s almost back on track now.
  • His hair has grown tremendously over the last couple of weeks – he just about needs a trim.  Clark and I are already arguing over what we’re going to do with it – she wants him to have cutesy little curls and I would like to save him the indignity.

I think that’s enough of an update for now.  I’ll endeavour to round up some photos and post in the next few days

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It all seems to be going rather well, but we’ll find out if it really is tomorrow when we see the MCHN again and he gets weighed… I can’t help but be nervous!

In other news, FenFox got suddenly and violently ill last night.  It was surreal, holding her hair back as she vomited in the toilet while holding a screaming McBean in the other arm.  And what a trooper FenFox is.  Not only did she make it to the bathroom, but when I came back from putting McBean in his cot, she had started to clean it all up.

Luckily, it all went down just as Lazyboo was waiting for a train to come home and she was able to help with the rest of the evening, the details of which are just too gross to share.  And at least McBean went to sleep really easily between vomiting episodes and didn’t wake up for 8.5 hours!  What a helpful little guy.

So today I’ve got a baby AND a sick kid at home while Lazyboo is at work for 12 hours….  it’s a recipe for disaster but all going well so far.

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Grump – I’ve had a crap cold for seriously more than two weeks now, and in the last couple of days its degenerated to somewhat infected sinuses. Luckily I’d been to the doc and had a prescription ready, but I hate taking antibiotics for a cold. I know its not actually just a cold when its all sticky and green, but still. I react badly to anything with psuedoephedrine in it, so I can’t take any cold and flu meds – there’s not one (and I’ve asked) that doesn’t contain something I can’t have.

Anyway, I’m sitting here – not at work again, for the fifth day in three weeks – procrastinating. I’m supposed to be sweeping the floor and going to the supermarket to get stuff for dinner, and cleaning the bathroom. We have a friend coming over whose family is all away overseas at the moment who is almost exactly as far along as Clark (her girl is due 17th October, our boy is due 11th), and so I need to make something. I know what I’m going to make, what we called pastacina when I was a kid, basically baked penne pasta (gluten free cow’s milk free of course).

I just can’t be assed doing anything about it. I’ve spent the last couple of days obsessively building Sims houses – up to 7 and counting so far. Too bad I’ve got a 3,000 word assignment on taxation law due in less than two weeks which I’m not even sure on the material. Can’t seems to summon up the energy to care at the moment, it’s all leaked out of me with all that snot.

So here I am, blogging, when I haven’t in ages because I’m too slack, when I should be doing a million other things. Sorry for the blah post.

Clark urged me to read this earlier, glad she did, its hysterical – I think it’d be funny even if you didn’t like the X-Files. I so get this sentiment. I see stuff that people are doing with their kids, and I cringe sometimes – which is rich really as Princess was already four when Clark and I got together, so the only baby knowledge I have comes from Clark and classes.

Anyway, if you need a laugh go take a look. I’m off, to shop and cook and clean and then possibly fall in a heap. And make sure I watch Criminal Minds tonight – roflmao Renee O’Connor is going to be on it.

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